Well for the umpteenth time, I’ve found myself in one of those situations where I know I have to let go, but for whatever reason, it’s just super difficult for me to do so. I cannot tell you how many times this has been the case for me. For some odd reason, saying goodbye and letting go of situations that don’t work, is very difficult for me to do.
One of my favorite, “Gotta let go, but I don’t want to” tracks is by Mary J. Blige, from her Mary album called, The Love I Never had.
In my case, there are two loves that I never really had: A love that I had hoped would blossom with a certain young man, and a failed attempt at love with New York City: The first one is the one causing me the most anguish right now. But as I mull everything over in my head, I remember Mary’s words in the beginning of the track
You know sometimes
There come a time in your life
When you love something
You have to let it go
And even though
You might feel there’s still something there
You have to wake up
Stop living in a dream
Cause it’s over now
You got to think about you
I realize that I was living in a dream with this guy. I knew that he was never going to treat me the way I wanted him to….since the first time we met. But I still held on. And I tried to leave it alone, I really did, but somehow I got pulled back into it again. Now I finally see that it’s not going to work out. And I’m hurt naturally. I just have to figure out a way to walk away. How do I do that though when I want to be his friend? When I want him to wonder how I’m doing enough to contact me daily? I’ve been waiting and waiting for him to wake up one day and realize that he wants me in his life, but it hasn’t happened yet..and I’m not sure at this point if it ever will. I deserve better though, so it’s time to walk away from the situation.
I have always wondered why
Why I can’t live without you babe
And I’m longing to be your lady
I understand that you are leaving
Please don’t leave here without me, babe
Cause I think I might go
And I’m still trying to figure out what it is about this guy that has hooked me. I just wanted him to want me so badly and I still do….(smh). But this is where common sense will have to kick in. If nothing has happened yet, then it probably never will. Why continue being disappointed needlessly?
Cause everybody needs someone to love
And I know that it’s true
And I know that it’s you
I don’t understand
Why you can’t be my man
So I’ve gotta wake up
Stop living in a dream
Yes I’ve gotta wake up
Cause I can’t lose the love I never had
Yeah I’ve gotta wake up
As painful as it seems
Yes I better wake up
I can not lose a love I never had
Yes everybody needs someone to love, but perhaps he isn’t the one. It really is time for me to wake up
Every time I close my eyes
I see visions of you and I
Sharing love of a special kind, oh
I got to laugh to keep from crying, yeah
To hide all the pain inside
Cause I can’t get you off my mind
Pretty soon, I’ll be able to get him off my mind.
And it’s goodbye for New York too. It’s hard for me to let go of the life I used to have there because the future is so unclear. Time for me to let go and leave it in the past. Time to wake up because like Mary said, I can’t lose a love I never had…
And more of my favorite ”Time to Let go” songs,
Chris Brown : Say Goodbye
Boys II Men : End of the Road
